Month: January 2014

Ups & Downs

JANUARY 11, 2014 OLD POST. =(

It’s been 2 days since I blogged and a lot has happened..

 

Wednesday 8th at around midnight, JP’s mom called and said that dad got sick…AGAIN. *sigh* He wasn’t able to get out of the bed properly so JP advised her to call 911. It’s a blessing in disguise because now he’s hospitalized at St. Louise which is only a few miles away from their home. We were worried and concerned for about an hour. I wanted to sleep but in my drowsiness I found myself repeating, ” God, have mercy. God, have mercy. Because anything is an option and health is not a promise,…God I ask for mercy on Papa Park.” ย I fell asleep on the couch waiting for a call from Mama to see if they got situated into the hospital.

I felt concerned because JP isn’t the type to jump up and drive down and I had to come to terms with that in the sense that he’s been exposed to this almost all his 20s and so nothing is as urgent and he knows how to handle it. But it was a struggle to be present in the tension of our living room aka “the waiting room”. Eventually I felt so tired I had to lay down reluctantly in bed. That night’s sleep didn’t feel like sleep at all.

We got the call in the morning that he got situated and is doing much better. I think it’s a blessing in disguise because I had been trying to persuade Papa to change hospitals from Santa Clara to St. Louise or at least O’Connor. But with his health declining, it seems he’s landed in the nearest one where he can receive quick treatment. Regardless, more thanksgiving and praise to God for His goodness even in the form of calamity and uncertainty.

Even up to Thursday, mom said he was doing better but today JP said that his condition may have worsened so we’re going to go out after work today to visit him.

Another update:

JP didn’t get the job with teleNetwork for the Google product. Its frustrating to see that they dragged the interview process to the very end before cutting him. I want to say if I had the “half full” perspective, then JP is qualified it’s just that the competition was very fierce. But unfortunately JP doesn’t care about that. He is definitely down today. Doubting his value and worth from this rejection. Or better yet, the rejection he’s been getting all year long. Sometimes I wonder what God has planned out for us…especially in 2014. Trying to encourage him and keep him “blameless” before God even in his grumbling but it’s not always easy.

 

Recently in YouVersion, I started Steven Furtick’s “Sun Stand Still” Reading plan, I came across one devotional that really encouraged me and reminded me that what I or we are doing, is not vain.

 

“In reality, the illustrious burning-bush encounter that seemed so captivating in Sunday school is…really..quite ordinaty. Moses is performing menial manual labor, working for his father-in-law. It’s dusty. The sheep stink. Does it get any more mundane?

 

Almost all encounters with God begin that way. You may be living under the illusion that when God ignites great things in your life, He’ll announce it with a big bang. He might. It’s more likely that He won’t. So stop waiting around for the big bang. Pay attention to the subtle clues and the still, small voice. Maybe you’ll hear it this very day.

What we call miracle is really just the right combination of your ordinary ingredients and God’s extraordinary expertise. When God’s super collides with your natural, sparks will fly.

God may call you to serve as an unknown youth pastor of fifteen kids in a moldy basement for a youth room and with an Atari for entertainment. Ordinary. But He may also be providing you an opportunity to pour you life into one of those teenagers who will go no to preach the gospel in a thousaid places you’ll never go.

Extraordinary.

God may lead you to stay at home with your young children, forfeiting a second incomd. Ordinary. But along with diapers, dishes, and naps, you receive the gift of time—to model discipline, instill values, and speak life into your kids. They could grow up to be Joshua’s in their own generation. Extraordinary.

If God is calling you to make a big difference today, He is likely to start in a small way–a bush that only you will notice. Will you remove your shoes, draw close and receive your assignment? Will you give the Lord permission to ignite your ordinary? If you will, before long your faith will start carrying you to a higher level than you ever thought you could reach.”

 

In the midst of this never ending chaos and uncertainty, I definitely feel something anchoring me down to peace, calmness and trust. It may not be 100% trust because I do have my quiet voice saying, “What if…” but this stability in my emotions. Lord, have your way. May your will be done. God you don’t owe me or JP anything….do as you please and will.

Sometimes I think in 2015, JP and I will look back and see how God has trained, molded, taught , disciplined us in preparation for whatever is to come in 2015 or later. He’ll renew our definition and identity to something that is far more valuable than what the world or society can measure us out to. Sometimes I wonder, God is this your way of teaching us how to let go and surrender everything? even family health and our comfort before using us the way You want to? And of course I still think even now as I type this,…is this why you had me calm and collected during China? To prepare me for this ruckus?

All I ask of God is for:

Mercy

Grace

Ever increasing faith and peace

More Holy Spirit

An obedient heart

and a blameless walk…..

 

 

 

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Back to School

Things have happened so quickly I don’t know how to process everything. Where should I start?

JP had an interview lined up and he was waiting for a video interview which happened this morning. It went okay in his opinion and it led to a final interview this afternoon at 4pm. Yesterday, literally minutes after he emailed me about his upcoming video interview, Cindy Arnett had emailed and I was good to go for Biblical Psychology & Social Psychology that starts TOMORROW aka Wednesday 1/8!!

Things had happened so quickly. I don’t know if I can catch my breath. I do feel helpless as in the way I have absolutely no control of how the road is going for both of us. It’s happening all so quickly. All I could do was just go along with it. There was not time to say “Wait”, “But..”, “Why”. So last night as I began to share with my friends about the new happenings, it somewhat became my processing moments.ย 

I can’t see the end of this school process to be honest. I feel overwhelmed with just doubling up on classes. And yes, I feel like a drama queen but I really want to do well but not well on two classes!! *sigh* It was nice to pray with Jp last night before we went to bed. Just asking God to help us honor Him in our finances, our school our jobs and our marriage.ย 

Tonight’s the 1st day of class. I wonder who the cohort will be. I’m so not ready for this but I guess a lot of people in the Bible weren’t ready for a lot of things God prepared for them…

Trust and Obey.ย 

FZ: The Aftermath

It’s the 6th day of January.

I can’t believe I’m back in my cubicle. Printing, filing, scheduling and going about my usual USA life. I’ve found myself to be wrestling with a lot of emotions and thoughts. It’s very ironic given that I was emotionless for majority of the time I spent in Asia.

Yesterday JP and I went out to the city to spend some time together. It just wasn’t the same. I felt as though my body was present but my heart and mind were elsewhere. I was discontent being back in America. Discontent with a “witty humorous joking” husband who couldn’t control his joking words. Distracted with thoughts of the faces I met. Rewinding the things I said and shared and wondering, “God, did I do a good job? Did I do what You wanted me to do?:”

Flashbacks of the pastor in QZ came to mind. The opportunity to share more about the Gospel to those who came to hear our testimonies built up in my heart. I felt this urgency that I had not felt before especially while I was in China. This urgency was different. It was an emotional urgency. I felt like crying in the car. The desire to go to SF kinda went out the window. But life goes on right? I’m not in China anymore. I’m in America, back to life, back to the daily grind