FZ: The Aftermath

It’s the 6th day of January.

I can’t believe I’m back in my cubicle. Printing, filing, scheduling and going about my usual USA life. I’ve found myself to be wrestling with a lot of emotions and thoughts. It’s very ironic given that I was emotionless for majority of the time I spent in Asia.

Yesterday JP and I went out to the city to spend some time together. It just wasn’t the same. I felt as though my body was present but my heart and mind were elsewhere. I was discontent being back in America. Discontent with a “witty humorous joking” husband who couldn’t control his joking words. Distracted with thoughts of the faces I met. Rewinding the things I said and shared and wondering, “God, did I do a good job? Did I do what You wanted me to do?:”

Flashbacks of the pastor in QZ came to mind. The opportunity to share more about the Gospel to those who came to hear our testimonies built up in my heart. I felt this urgency that I had not felt before especially while I was in China. This urgency was different. It was an emotional urgency. I felt like crying in the car. The desire to go to SF kinda went out the window. But life goes on right? I’m not in China anymore. I’m in America, back to life, back to the daily grind

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